Fandom for LLS: For me, it's personal

Strong language alert. Just saying.

I announced earlier this week that I will be writing a contribution for the Fandom for Leukemia & Lymphoma Society cause. I just want to say a little more about that. These are just my thoughts, and I'm being as honest as I can. Like the heading says—it's personal.

In terms of my writing, I have a couple of goals for the year. A few of them I've achieved (complete a story, host a contest), and a few I have yet to tick off: write something angsty, write a collaboration, and contribute to a cause.

There are so many important things happening in the world. It's my personal belief that we should contribute where and when we're able to. So I've been thinking all year about the kind of cause I want to write for. It's safe to say that it's something I gave a great deal of mental attention to. So then the decision came...which cause do I choose?

My choice is not to say I think any are any less worthy, but this one in particular struck a chord with me. It's something I feel pretty strongly about.

There's no delicate way to put it - cancer is a nasty fucking disease.

Just the word cancer brings up a bunch of images, and not many of them are pretty. There's the physical effects that cancer has on the body. There's the aftermath of treatments that seem almost as bad as the disease.  And if recovery doesn't happen, there's the image of the loved ones who had to watch their nearest and dearest face a battle against an overpowering, murderous opponent.

I'd like to think of the flip-side.

There's the jubilation associated with the celebration of every year of remission. That glint in the eye of a survivor, who has in some cases had cancer push them in the back so that they're staring death in the face—then they turned, fought, and bitch-slapped that motherfucker right between the eyes.

For me, I didn't even know cancer was the opponent my mother was fighting. No one used that word around a nine year old. They just looked at me and my brother with pity in their eyes. I got used to that look.

Years later, I accused my dad of lying to me. I remember every word of that conversation.

"You didn't tell me it was cancer," I said.

"No," he replied. "I didn't."

With the anger that only an eleven year old can have, and the tentative-bravery of one who is about to defy her father, I spat the words out. I don't know if it was my intention at the time to be so cutting, but it was probably the result. "If you'd told me, then I would have known. I could have been prepared. You lied to me."

"I didn't lie," my dad said quickly. His voice was calm, but firm, but I could tell there was something going on beneath. I'd seen it before—he was holding it together for his kids. "I told you exactly what she had. I told you she had T-Cell Lymphoma."

Back then, those words meant nothing to me. They were long, strangely-spelt words that I couldn't remember. But I'd written it down phonetically, so that one day, when I was a grown-up, I could find out what it meant.

Many years later, I found out exactly what my mum had gone through. A thirst for understanding, a knowledge of the research process, and access to one of the best medical libraries in Australia gave me a pretty clear picture of the physical struggle my mum endured. By matter of small mercies, her struggle was short. I don't doubt it was extremely painful.

What I get full appreciation for now, is just how young she was. T-Cell Lymphoma took my mum when she was just thirty-five. It's the age I turn this year. She left behind two young children. Just as I have.

I'm lucky to have great memories of my mum. One beloved memory is the wicked, dry sense of humour she had. Another is the way she always believed in me—when I told her I'd dreamed of fairies living in our garden, she insisted we go look for them. When I came home from school disappointed that, yet again, a boy had been chosen as school captain and a girl was vice-captain, she took me to school to ask the principal why a girl couldn't lead our school. She had a strong sense of justice, and of fighting for what you believe in.

I believe in this cause—and this is one way I can help fight this shitful disease.

Knowing these things about mum, I'm pretty sure she's one person I'd be able to trust with my fanfic-closetness. I'm sure I could tell her that I loved to write in my spare time, and that some of the stuff might be a little racy.

I know she'd ask to read it.

Many months ago, I started sketching out an outtake for Yosemite Decimal. As I wrote YD, I had the full scene clear in my head. As I wrote Bella's story, I found myself giggling at the 'gaps' that Bella didn't get to see (cause I'm weird like that). That's why I've chosen this cause to contribute this out-take. I reckon mum'd get a real kick out of it.

A bunch of authors, from several fandoms, as well as banner makers, betas, and generally nice people are taking up the fight too. You can help. A donation of $10US (I don't know what that is in colourful Aussie money) will get you a bunch of stories. And you'll make this girl really happy.

Go to http://fandom4lls.blogspot.com.au/ for more info, and to scroll through the HUGE list of authors contributing. I'm calling it—it's going to be epic.

Mag xx

This is only a test post...

Don't get excited. I'm just testing stuff. Thanks, though! :)

YD Chapter 15 - Teaser

“I can’t let you do that,” she’s saying. “No, I’m serious. She was really upset. I’ve never seen anyone completely break down like that—it was scary.” I feel awkward for eavesdropping, but not too bad, considering the conversation seems to be about me.

“Now? She’s asleep. Do you have any idea of the kind of day she’s had? Oh no, you wouldn’t, because you just let her go!” She sounds seriously pissed off—I’m so glad she’s on my side.

“Did you even tell her?…Why the hell not? We’re talking about a big part of your life here, Edward…Mhmm…”

At the sound of his name, my insides turn to stone. I gingerly make my way to the kitchen and pause in the doorway.

Rose turns in my direction. “I have to go, Bella’s awake…I’ll ask her…okay. Bye.” She places her phone on the counter and walks toward me, drawing me into a hug. “How are you feeling?”

“Wiped.” My throat feels like sandpaper when I speak.

“Here, let me get you something to eat and drink. Go sit on the couch. I’ll be there in a minute.”

I return to the couch, wrap myself in my blanket, and finish off my water bottle. Rose appears a few moments later with some apple juice and a bowl of reheated noodles. I take them from her, only realizing now how hungry I am—my sandwich from lunch is sitting on a bench in a park. I nibble gingerly at the noodles as Rose takes a deep breath.

“Bella, while you were sleeping you were talking. Now feel free to tell me if I’m overstepping the mark…but…do you want to tell me about Tyler?”

Yosemite Decimal: Chapter 14 teaser

I blush a little and reach forward to take the offered piece of cake. It’s absolutely heavenly, and I close my eyes briefly and hum.

“Bella…” Edward’s low, husky voice gains my attention, and I open my eyes. His returning stare is dark and sends shivers through my body. “I wouldn’t do that.”

I self-consciously lick my lips—there must be chocolate on my face. “What?”

In one quick motion, Edward shifts his seat over one place so that he’s sitting next to me. He sweeps my hair back over my shoulder and whispers in my ear. “Don’t tempt me. Not when you look as sexy as you do.” He presses a kiss to the hollow just below my ear. “Not here.”

I swallow, and it makes an audible gulp. Edward lets out a soft growl as he brushes his nose along my ear. “You smell good enough to eat.”

YD - Chapter 13 teaser

“Chalky!” The familiar, thunderous voice echoes off every wall of the gym, as Emmett’s hulking form lumbers toward me. He hoists me in the air, giving me a spin that makes me squeal. “Glad to have you back!”

“You make it sound like I’ve been away for months!” I laugh in response. “But thanks, Em.”

He nods to my harness, which I’ve looped over one shoulder. “Climbing?”

“Yeah, Alice said she’d belay for me,” I respond with a shrug. And I’m secretly hoping someone else might, too.

“Well, have fun! I’ll catch up with you later.” Emmett’s dimples seem especially prominent as he waves me off. I 

give him a small salute in return before making my way up the stairs toward the mezzanine level and the bouldering cave.

When I reach the cave, music is blaring, and I’m a little disappointed I won’t have it to myself…until the sight of the physique that is sinuously moving its way across the wall stops me dead in my tracks.

I’ve never seen Edward climb before, and I can safely say—I’ve never seen anyone climb like him.

YD - Chapter 12 teaser

I wrap my arms tighter around myself and walk toward him. “I’ll take one of the rooms upstairs.” I reach for my bags, but he places a hand on my arm, stopping me.

“The storm is really bad, and I don’t feel good about letting you sleep upstairs. I don’t think it’s safe.” He tosses the towel in the hamper in the corner. “I’ll go.”

My jaw drops. “You just said it wasn’t safe, and you’re going?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, well…”

I scoff. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll take the couch out there.” I indicate vaguely toward the direction of the great room.

“Bella,” he says, rolling his eyes. “It’s freezing out there, even with the fire going.”

“I’ll take a blanket,” I tell him, reaching again for the bags. My duffel is completely sodden, and it weighs a ton. “I’ll be okay.”

“Wait,” he says, his voice serious. “You could stay here. I mean, if you like.” He runs a hand through his semi-dried hair. “It’s a big bed, and I promise I won’t try anything…”

YD Teaser: Chapter 11

“Don’t you get it? You’re the biggest risk of all.”

I hold my breath for a beat at his declaration. I’ve never thought of myself as any kind of danger. I’m not—I’m just Bella.

“How am I a risk?”

“You make me question.”

“Question what?”

“Everything.”

“Please tell me?”

He takes a deep breath. “Okay. But in advance, I’m sorry.”

“What for now?”

“Like I said, when I tell you, you’ll find out the kind of person I really am.”

I can’t imagine what might have happened for Edward to think himself so…liable. I shuffle in my spot to get comfortable, getting the suspicion this isn’t going to be a short story. Before I can move too far, Edward reaches out to grab my hand. I glance at where our hands are joined before turning my gaze to his face.  

“Do you mind?” he asks tentatively. “I just…I feel calmer when I’m touching you.”

I can only nod in reply. Stroking his fingers gently, I try to reassure him. “Take your time.”

He takes a deep breath and begins to speak.